just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
