this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
