just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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