well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
