the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
