Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
