I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
