garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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