i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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