wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
