dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
