I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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