i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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