All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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