I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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