I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
