Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
