I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
