my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So vagazzling was a success
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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