we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
