please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
