I am in a vortex of obligation.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
