have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
