i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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