Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
