it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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