I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
