I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
