Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
