Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
