dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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