i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
