it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
