My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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