Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
