Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
