Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
