Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
now i know why i became what i already was.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my poor anus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
