She is in my trunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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