I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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