please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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