So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
