My brain says no but my pants say off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
