she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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