im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
