i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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