I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
