Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
