it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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