i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
