once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
