That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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