If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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