so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
