We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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