I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
