They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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