I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
