Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
