just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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