Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
