I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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