I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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