Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
