the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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