what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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