pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
