wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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