1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
