i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Randomize
