yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
