Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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