Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
