Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
