I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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